Hey. It’s been awhile. I realize that. I’m sorry. Really sorry. This is kinda awkward:/ Anyway, we’re headed to the great Auburn University to play at Auburn Church tonight and I had the random desire to blog so here I go. I absolutely love traveling, especially traveling with these guys! There’s somethin about driving down the interstate blasting music with the windows down that brings me such a contentment. I just can’t describe it… Side note: we may or may not be listening to Taylor Swift right now:/ I don’t care what you say, that girl can write!!
I just met a poet at the gas station we just stopped at and we talked for a bit. His name was (and probably still is) Tracy, he showed me some poems of his and I told him what we do and stuff, we exchanged names and then I wished him luck bought my water and we were on our way. I’m slowly learning that our ministry is not so much on stage as it is off stage in offering a smile or interest in people like Tracy. I think God absolutely loves our worship but I wonder if he’s not more interested in the lives of the people around us. I’m the first one to brush off a stranger because I’m too “busy” or preoccupied. I want to be someone who sees the hurt and does something about it rather than getting awkward and ignoring it. but after all, we’re not supposed to talk to strangers. Right? Thanks Tracy.
It’s Too Late (to pologize)
home, it’s where i am.
it’s day 4 of my life post “band camp,” as my dad called it, and the further i get into this new chapter of my life the more i want to believe that these past 6 months were a dream and i just woke up. man, i would be either really sleepy or really rested if that were the case! anyway, yea, chapters is the word of the week. that chapter came and went and now i’m on chapter 2 of the real world. it’s so weird because i remember so vividly driving to snellville for the first time thinking, “psh, 6 months? that’s so long, i got plenty of time!” And now i’m sitting in my apartment feeling like this past chapter went by much too quickly! it was so sad to say goodbye to the guys that i did life with for half a year. texas and alberta seem light years away, oh wait, they are! i’m gonna miss their voices, their encouragement, their hearts, the laughs, the tears, the works bombs, and bustin’ old fruit. it was such an incredible experience and i couldn’t have placed myself in a more perfect spot for that season if i tried. i am so grateful for what i was taught, the experience i had, and the people i got to do all those things with. it was an incredible six months and it’s so weird to be home but it’s good. i know this is where i am supposed to be for this next chapter of my life and i don’t just know it, i feel it. it feels right to be here and the Lord has really affirmed that lately.
the reasons i’m excited to be home are as follows:
1. it’s gonna give my band and me a lot of time to write and play together which i’m really excited about.
2. my best friends, brothers, mates, fellas, dogs, whatever you wanna call em, all live close to me now and i can call them up and enjoy some good fellowship whenever the heck i please.
3. i have time to just be intentional with relationships, enjoy many cups of coffee with friends, and brush up on my dance moves.
4. i can finally go to law school… ha!
an old man’s thoughts on rest.
i’m back at my house in marietta again and i’m lovin it! this house is so peaceful which maybe attributed to the fact that i’m sitting by the fire, looking over our sunny back yard, drinking coffee, and all of that is being swallowed up by great music beautifully flowing from the speakers in our kitchen, but i don’t know you can decide for yourself. peace is the word, indeed it is! i feel like i should be writing a book. everyone who knows me well knows that i am an old man trapped inside of a 19 year-old’s body, i like to go to bed early, wake up early, drink coffee and read. the only things that are missing are a newspaper and a wife. so that’s what i’m doing at this very moment and i’m soaking it up. and this particular morning is a special morning because i got a new coffee blend yesterday recommended by my good friend Jeremey (he’s from canada); starbucks organic serena. (easily entertained? uh huh) it’s good, if you like coffee you should try it. i don’t know what it is about me that loves this stuff but i think it comes down to rest. we’re naturally creatures of “go go go, there’s not enough time in the day, hurry hurry hurry,” and these times by myself in the morning are my escape from that world and the temptation to get caught up in that mindset. i’m learning that we all need these times and not just these times, we need to live in the mindset of rest. we gotta stop hurrying, stop stressing, stop freaking out and just rest in the presence of the Lord. ya know? i just read psalm 91 and verse 1 says, “those who live in the shelter of the Most Hight will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty.” i love that it says we’ll find rest in the shadow of the Almighty, i don’t know if you ever realized this but your shadow is not far away from you, it’s always right next to you and you can never get away from it. i’m finding that in these times of solitude in the morning i’m so satisfied because i’m living in the presence of God so naturally i find rest in the shadow of the Almighty. there’s a joy attached to it, a peace, and a knowledge of the presence of God. i pray that i can live every moment of every day like this. that would be freakin awesome! the world would look a lot different if we all lived out of rest in the Lord… we could get rid of car horns, we could silence our phones, we would enjoy each other a lot more than we do now that’s for sure! yea… rest is good.
drive slowly… angels at play!
His grace is really amazing. i’m seeing that in my life more and more as the days go on. i see how much i need it, i see how much He gives, and i can’t get enough of it. that’s kinda been the thought in my mind this past week or so, i praise the Lord for grace. humility is not self loathing, humility is celebrating the grace you have been given in the midst of your o so broken life. i’m learning that.
it was a great, no really great weekend!! on thursday night i headed down to midtown to meet with this newly established group of guys that now make up the “worship team” (for lack of a better phrase) of midtown community church. i felt so so honored and humbled to be sitting in the midst of these guys i’ve looked up to for so long and be part of this vision for changing the city. i have been praying a lot for guidance for the next step of my life and this has been a huge answer to prayer. i wanted to be plugged into a local church but i also wanted to travel with my band and this way i’m going to be doing both. this church really grabbed my heart the first time i lead there and i can’t believe i’m going to be a part of leading there often. i feel compassion stirring in my heart for the city as i sit in the midst of these guys with a heart to see the kingdom take control of atlanta. i’m really excited, i mean really excited!!
from there i headed to auburn, al to spend the weekend with my lovely girlfriend. we had some much needed time together, it was great. she is the most patient, encouraging, and kind person i know and i’m so grateful to have her in my life. did i mention she is amazing?!?!?!? check out this picture i took outside of a church… i can’t get enough!!
yea, it really says that!
on sunday i led at north point community church’s middle school ministry called xtreme. i had a lot of fun. for the most part, middle school is not my forte, but this sunday i just had a lot of fun. i felt an authority and boldness that made me very comfortable being myself in leading. i think when the leader has joy, it spreads throughout the room so i’ve been working on finding joy in leading and showing it. it had bookoos of fun!! our set was:
alive and running (one of my bro’s new songs)
i am free (newsboys)
all because of Jesus (fee)
it was also fun cause i got to play with my drummer, anders and we got to hang out sunday afternoon. he never ceases to impress me in his drumming abilities, he broke his collar bone 3 weeks ago and he’s playing drums now. haha, it’s amazing, he’s amazing. i’ve seen so much growth and humility in him in the past 6 months, he’s a stud.
welp. big gulps huh?
and the award for the weirdest name in the history of the world goes to… (drum roll) mephibosheth!
if you’ve never read this, check it out. it’s really stinkin cool…
2 samuel 9
1 One day David asked, “Is anyone in Saul’s family still alive—anyone to whom I can show kindness for Jonathan’s sake?” 2 He summoned a man named Ziba, who had been one of Saul’s servants. “Are you Ziba?” the king asked. “Yes sir, I am,” Ziba replied. 3 The king then asked him, “Is anyone still alive from Saul’s family? If so, I want to show God’s kindness to them.” Ziba replied, “Yes, one of Jonathan’s sons is still alive. He is crippled in both feet.” 4 “Where is he?” the king asked. “In Lo-debar,” Ziba told him, “at the home of Makir son of Ammiel.” 5 So David sent for him and brought him from Makir’s home. 6 His name was Mephibosheth[a]; he was Jonathan’s son and Saul’s grandson. When he came to David, he bowed low to the ground in deep respect. David said, “Greetings, Mephibosheth.” Mephibosheth replied, “I am your servant.” 7 “Don’t be afraid!” David said. “I intend to show kindness to you because of my promise to your father, Jonathan. I will give you all the property that once belonged to your grandfather Saul, and you will eat here with me at the king’s table!” 8 Mephibosheth bowed respectfully and exclaimed, “Who is your servant, that you should show such kindness to a dead dog like me? 9 Then the king summoned Saul’s servant Ziba and said, “I have given your master’s grandson everything that belonged to Saul and his family. 10 You and your sons and servants are to farm the land for him to produce food for your master’s household.[b] But Mephibosheth, your master’s grandson, will eat here at my table.” (Ziba had fifteen sons and twenty servants.) Ziba replied, 11 “Yes, my lord the king; I am your servant, and I will do all that you have commanded.” And from that time on, Mephibosheth ate regularly at David’s table,[c] like one of the king’s own sons. 12 Mephibosheth had a young son named Mica. From then on, all the members of Ziba’s household were Mephibosheth’s servants. 13 And Mephibosheth, who was crippled in both feet, lived in Jerusalem and ate regularly at the king’s table.
2 samuel 19:24-30
24 Now Mephibosheth,[a] Saul’s grandson, came down from Jerusalem to meet the king. He had not cared for his feet, trimmed his beard, or washed his clothes since the day the king left Jerusalem. 25 “Why didn’t you come with me, Mephibosheth?” the king asked him. 26 Mephibosheth replied, “My lord the king, my servant Ziba deceived me. I told him, ‘Saddle my donkey[b] so I can go with the king.’ For as you know I am crippled. 27 Ziba has slandered me by saying that I refused to come. But I know that my lord the king is like an angel of God, so do what you think is best. 28 All my relatives and I could expect only death from you, my lord, but instead you have honored me by allowing me to eat at your own table! What more can I ask?” 29 “You’ve said enough,” David replied. “I’ve decided that you and Ziba will divide your land equally between you.” 30 “Give him all of it,” Mephibosheth said. “I am content just to have you safely back again, my lord the king!”
these past couple days i have come to realize and love the fact that i am and will always be mephibosheth (i can’t get over how weird of a name that is). i’m just a random crippled, dirty, and deceived dude that doesn’t deserve anything i’ve been given, but for some reason i get to sit at the table of the King. as of today i have enjoyed my new name-tag but these past couple days were pretty rough. coming to the realization that you’re such a mess, filled with pride, selfishness, and the need to be accepted is never a fun thing but that pretty much sums up my weekend. it was cool though, in a really weird way. i think i just took humility a little too far and began to beat myself up over every little thing i was doing wrong. anyway, the Lord led me to this story on monday morning and for that i am so grateful. i love that mephibosheth did nothing to get to the place he got, i love that he was crippled, i love that when he came to meet david he was dirty and unshaven, i love that he was deceived and wronged, and i loved his response when david offers to give his land back, he says, “give him all of it, i am content just to have you safely back again, my lord the king.” mephibosheth paints such an amazing picture of what we are as children of God. we are crippled, inadequate, undeserving people who experience God’s grace, kindness, and forgiveness everyday. the hard part about this is rejoicing in our mephibosheth-ness. ha. we’re not supposed to walk around drowning in self pity and shame, we are sitting at the table of the King and He doesn’t care about our inadequacies, He doesn’t see our brokenness, He wants us to enjoy the feast in front of us. when we accept our state of brokenness and find joy in the fact that His grace abounds all the more, we start to feel the goodness of God. man this is good stuff!!!
-b
a couple songs that come to mind… leeland -“carried to the table” and john mark mccmillan- “carbon ribs”
i’m proud of my big brother!!!
everyone… go buy my bro’s new ep on itunes. i will give you a simple 3 step process on how to do this…
step 1: make sure you have 6 dollars (we wouldn’t want any debt now)
step 2: search kristian stanfill on the itunes bar
step 3: press the “buy album” button next to his attention ep.
see, it’s simple. go. now. what are you waiting for?? faster now. faster!
so yesterday… yes, that was a hillary duff reference!
yesterday had it’s ups and downs but in all it was a great day. my band and i led at grace fellowship church here in snellville, ga all day; 6 hours of sleep, 3 services, 8 hours at the church… all in a days work. on saturday night i was feeling really intimidated and anxious to lead at grace because i felt like i had some big shoes to fill, but it was good in a way because i knew i wasn’t going to be able to do it on my own. i had to be 100% dependent on the Lord, as it should be all the time, to give me strength, boldness, and words and for the first 2 services that was exactly the case. all i could do was trust that He would work through my inadequacies and He did just that. i felt comfortable, bold, and most importantly i was able to be myself. God was really moving in that room and everyone felt it, it was great. our set was broken into 2 parts, 2 up front and 3 in the back. we did:
let God arise (chris tomlin)
highest and greatest (tim hughes)
and then…
hosanna (hillsong)
how great is our God (tomlin)
mighty to save (hillsong)
i learned a lot, and have been learning a lot, about being dependent on the Lord. He deserves the glory and we have no right to rob Him of any of it. i have nothing to offer Him as a worship leader except for my heart and that’s all i need to give Him. the rest will follow. everything i have been given, my gifts, talents, and words, is from Him and my job is to be an empty vessel filled by God and following God. it was funny because the first service went really smoothly and i felt really good about it because i was relying on Him for everything. but during the second service, for a second, i thought i could do it on my own and the minute i thought that i forgot some lyrics and messed something else up. God says, “I am the Lord; that is my name! I will not give my glory to another or my praise to idols.” ( isaiah 42:8 ) i’m just sick of it being about me or anything else but God and i’m not sure how to get the place where it’s not about me. i guess i’m on the road to figuring that out, although i don’t think i’ll ever reach the end of that road. pride’s a sucker, i’ve begun to really resent pride. if i could fight one person, it would be pride. but first i have to figure out how to make pride into a human that i could actually fight… :/
anyway, that leads me to my next point, the 5:15 service… it was a little rocky. aaron joined up with us for that service which i was really excited about but that turned out to be the thorn in my side. i wanted aaron to hear my band so i could get some feedback from him and stuff, but i/we wanted that so bad that it turned into us trying hard to impress him. i feel so stupid writing that but that’s what was going on in my head and the root…. p.r.i.d.e. so as a result, we all felt like the evening service was rough, musically at least. i was unprepared as a leader and didn’t have much to say, i stumbled over words and couldn’t really focus. we all we’re quite humbled. our set, for what it’s worth was:
glory to God (fee)
marvelous light (charlie hall)
and then at the back we did…
hear us from heaven (jared anderson)
inside out (hillsong)
hosanna (hillsong)
it was a good day and the good thing about falling on your face is; you learn a lot from it. we (my band) are slowly realizing that this whole thing is a journey and we’ve got a long way to go. we can’t expect to be doing this perfectly overnight. it’s gonna take a lot of us trying, failing, succeeding, and picking ourselves up again before we get the place we want be.
what’s been goin down
my band and i got the privilege of going to california a couple weeks ago and let me tell you, if you ever get a chance to go to california… go!! it was the most beautiful place i have been in a really long time, maybe in my whole life. we spent a couple days in big bear in the snow at the actual camp we we’re leading at and after that we got to spend a few days in santa clarita and l.a. hanging out and seeing all there is to see in california. we did everything from skiing to riding front row on X2, the roller coaster at six flags magic mountain. (check out some pics of the trip)
-
- more freakin sweet mtns
-
- anders and i
-
- drive up to big bear
-
- all of us at a look out stop on the drive up to big bear (sweet pose van, far left)
-
- bobby, me, then bassist (walking away) in l.a.
-
- ventura beach
-
- us at ventura beach
i say all this to lead into what i’m actually trying to say cause without the goodness of God, all of that wouldn’t really matter. it’s just so easy to see the works of the Lord when you’re in a place as beautiful as that. everything we did and saw had the face of God plastered on it. His goodness was pretty overwhelming. it was also very humbling to think that God brought us across the country to a place as beautiful as that to worship Him and lead these students in worship. and from a leading aspect i really enjoyed it because i felt like i saw the beginning of finding who i am as a worship leader. i was me and it felt really good to not try to be my brother, or steve fee, or any of the worship leaders that i look up to, i was just me.
since that trip, i haven’t really stopped feeling His goodness in my everyday life and it’s been a great couple weeks. i’m really learning how to rest in the Lord and it’s the most freeing feeling to stop working for God and just rest in His goodness and compassion. these past couple months have been a pretty intense breaking, humbling, and healing process so this new water has been really refreshing. i’m loving it and i challenge you to begin resting in the Lord and always knowing how much He loves you. you don’t have to earn His love, really, you don’t.
-b
p.s. a really good song i’m listening to as i write this = “i love the way You love me” – chris mcclarney
MOVE 